0 Film review: Skyfall

The Bond films have always been a difficult target to hit; one moment the audience wants something campy with impossible gadgets, the other, they want blood. It's a difficult balance to strike, but in Skyfall they have found not a balance, but a rebirth.

Resurrection was pushed as the theme of the film; Bond left and rebuilt himself, an old ally rears up as a powerful enemy, there is painful loss and new beginnings, but none of it was heavy-handed. Throughout the plot threads you didn't even realise were there are picked up and spun into view, woven together neatly until the last stand, quite symbolically, at Bond's childhood home.

I have always been impressed with Daniel Craig's interpretation of Bond, harking back to the gritty darkness of Timothy Dalton; for me, there's no point having double-oh status if you're going to rely on fancy gadgets and flying cars - you've got to be prepared to give, and on occasion take, a beating. This is why Craig makes Bond so striking. He doesn't rely on good looks and cheesy lines, rather showing charisma and style though his behaviour. He is a Bond you can imagine chatting you up as easily as he could break someone's nose. The only scene in the whole film that struck a little off for me - and it probably is just me, but still - is when Bond meets up with the clearly frightened and trapped Sévérine on a boat, sauntering up behind her in the shower like it's no big deal. It bothered me because she was not a sultry seductress, there was no flirting between her and Bond that wasn't backed by fear, and to sleep with her in that situation didn't really fit for me.

The introduction of the new Q was refreshing - the quirky old man we had all become used to under Pierce Brosnan's campy reign replaced by a young yet quietly confident genius. Apparently it was Craig who insisted on Q's return, and I think it was a wise decision. Q is a cornerstone of the Bondverse, and it fitted, once again, with the theme of ressurection. He was not the only character to be rought back - Miss Moneypenny makes a welcome return, as does the ever pristine Aston Martin DB5 (with original licence plate).

Overall, this film was a triumph, from the cast to the plot there was something to entertain both newcomers and die-hard Bond fans.

Watch again: as part of a Bond marathon
Favourite cast member: Javier Bardem, whose performance was hugely unsettling
Favourite moment: Silva trying (and failing) to make Bond blush... or possibly Silva's speech to M
Least favourite moment: the Sévérine shower scene
Bechdel test: sadly not passed, despite some very strong female characters, but I guess the film is all about Bond

0 Film Friday #3

Hello, this is a late post, but I did only get up at half twelve today so technically this is about right. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Three TV shows everyone likes but I don't

1) The Sopranos

I know, I really do, but I've tried and it just isn't happening. I want to like The Sopranos so much, I love anything involving organised crime (apart from, you know, actual organised crime) but I struggle - if someone was willing to hunker down with me, a box set, and some terrible food for a few days, I could definitely get it done.

2) Mighty Boosh

When I was still a teenager, this was the funniest show I'd ever seen; I ended up gong to the Mighty Boosh festival, and Mike Fielding DJ'd at my university. A couple of years later I thought, hey! I'll watch that show, I loved it so much - and it just wasn't funny any more. I was astounded at how profoundly stupid it all was, and the magic was just over. People still buy me the merchandise for presents, so hopefully they'll read this and stop because I've got two copies of the book now.

3) Next Top Model

This is supposed to be the paragon of entertainment for girls my age, but for me it's just another show about things I didn't really need to know about in the first place. I like models, I think they're essential to the fashion industry, but any episode I've ever watched has left me feeling twice as inadequate as I did the hour before. The blatant over-hype of looks and skinny flatness is not what bothers me, though; its the fact that, like all of these shows, the people that win them are not going to be the next top anything. You can't win a position like that, attention isn't going to automatically swing in your favour because you won a show - in fact, its probably a disadvantage more than anything. Sure, you'll be handed connections and money, but no-one will ever really think you worked to earn it, even if you did.

0 Film Friday #2

Four films that are so bad I've never watched them all the way through

1) Chances Are (1989) Robert Downey Jr, Cybill Shepherd

Louie Jeffries, a happily married man, is killed while crossing the road on his first anniversary. He is reincarnated as Alex Finch (Downey) and twenty years later an encounter with Louie's daughter starts bringing back memories; he decides to pursue his now-widowed wife (Shepherd), and hilarity ensues.

Well, I imagine it was all supposed to be a joke, I really hope they weren't trying to be serious. It's not the overall premise I disagree with, in fact I consider it in the same vein Ricky Gervais' Ghost Town, but the ending - oh, the ending. I'm telling you what happens, it probably won't spoil the film for you. Louie's daughter is attracted to Finch, which is how he ends up going home with her, meeting her mother, and remembering his past life. Ultimately, he's 'cured' of his memories and hooks up with the daughter - despite everyone knowing he used to be Louie. They all remember him proving who he was, they know deep down that he's the girl's father, but they end up together anyway. I was so incredulous I've never been able to watch the movie without an impending sense of dread, usually resolving in me giving up and watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang instead.

2) High Plains Invaders (2009) James Marsters

In 1892, a man is about to be hanged for his crimes, but first - he must save the town from giant alien bugs.

If I could reach through the screen and slap some sense into my favourite Buffy actor, I would. The whole plot can be summed up in one sentence. This review is already longer than the plot. Its easy to draw parallels with Starship Troopers, but you could get Neil Patrick Harris to guest star as the space bugs' tapdancing, jazz-handed leader wearing nothing but hotpants and a bowtie and I still wouldn't watch it.


3) Lady In The Water (2006) Paul Giamatti

A superintendent finds a mermaid-like creature trapped in the pool of his hotel.

One can only assume M. Night Shyamalan had a nervous break while making this film; I wouldn't be able to explain the plot of this film to you if Bill Murray signing up for Ghostbusters 3 depended on it. The worst part, though, is the character of Vick Ran (played by Shyamalan himself), a writer so inspirational and brilliant the whole fate of the government rests with him. His foil is the despised, idiotic film critic, who meets a violent and unecessary end.

He's basically nailed his personal emotions to a baseball bat and beat you over the head with it. Surprisingly the film was panned by almost all film critics, and Shyamalan has never really bounced back from it.


4) Battle of Los Angeles (2011) Nia Peeples, Kel Mitchell

I know what you're thinking; Battle: Los Angeles was a good film, how could you not watch all of it? No, no - Battle of Los Angeles, a film so bad there is a game running on iMDB to see how long you can manage watching it before switching off in disgust.

I couldn't even find a screencap for this, no-one wants to do it.

1 The Blue Hand Rule

You know those stupid laws you come up with when you're with friends, and something someone says just becomes legend? Well, I have one of those with my dad, and it's called the Blue Hand Rule. Here's some back-story; we watch a lot of films together, its something we bond over and usually we agree on the quality of a film. Sometimes one of us will choose a film so bad, the other has to watch it just so they can complain about it legitimately. One of these films was I Am Number Four.

My dad chose this one because we both love sci-fi and he loves checking out anything that might be a bit cheesy. The second we saw the Dreamworks logo I knew we were in for a treat.

Personally, I didn't find the film too bad; it was your standard boy meets girl, girl has douchey boyfriend, boy is alien hunted by other aliens, boy saves girl and world film. He had glowing blue hands, which is not the worst superpower I've ever seen, but doesn't exactly rank high. My problem didn't lie with the mechanics of his powers though, but with a rather simple bit of the film that riled me so much we had to pause the film and talk it out.

Towards the end the alien boy (James Pettyfer - not really an alien) is being chased by other aliens who want him dead. He's in love with a girl (Dianna Agron) who loves photography, so he presents her with a reel of film he's filled with photos for and of her. Meanwhile, the douchey boyfriend (Jake Abel and his beautiful eyes) has been kidnapped by the evil aliens and is willingly helping them find their prey, along with his girlfriend.

Now, I don't remember his exact words, but there was definitely an  indication given that since the alien and girl were at the high school, they were close - something like fifteen minutes away. The film then switches back to the runaway duo who are in the high school film lab, hanging up processed pictures from his roll of film.

Hold up.

It takes at least ten minutes just to wash and develop film, then you have to leave it to dry for a good fifteen minutes or so. Then you have to develop the actual photos, which even an expert couldn't do in less than ten minutes. For a full roll of film and multiple photos we're looking at around an hour of development time.

This is where I had to intervene; I can accept that the main character is an alien from another planet with glowing blue hands, but I refuse to accept they developed the photo film so quickly - it breaks canon, and also the laws of time.

Thus, the Blue Hands Rule was born - when one can accept the full situation of the film, but refuses to accept a seemingly innocent yet impossible moment (even if the whole film is ridiculous). I'd love to hear about your Blue Hand Rule moments if you have any, you'll only be backing me up for future arguments.