0 Film review: Skyfall

The Bond films have always been a difficult target to hit; one moment the audience wants something campy with impossible gadgets, the other, they want blood. It's a difficult balance to strike, but in Skyfall they have found not a balance, but a rebirth.

Resurrection was pushed as the theme of the film; Bond left and rebuilt himself, an old ally rears up as a powerful enemy, there is painful loss and new beginnings, but none of it was heavy-handed. Throughout the plot threads you didn't even realise were there are picked up and spun into view, woven together neatly until the last stand, quite symbolically, at Bond's childhood home.

I have always been impressed with Daniel Craig's interpretation of Bond, harking back to the gritty darkness of Timothy Dalton; for me, there's no point having double-oh status if you're going to rely on fancy gadgets and flying cars - you've got to be prepared to give, and on occasion take, a beating. This is why Craig makes Bond so striking. He doesn't rely on good looks and cheesy lines, rather showing charisma and style though his behaviour. He is a Bond you can imagine chatting you up as easily as he could break someone's nose. The only scene in the whole film that struck a little off for me - and it probably is just me, but still - is when Bond meets up with the clearly frightened and trapped Sévérine on a boat, sauntering up behind her in the shower like it's no big deal. It bothered me because she was not a sultry seductress, there was no flirting between her and Bond that wasn't backed by fear, and to sleep with her in that situation didn't really fit for me.

The introduction of the new Q was refreshing - the quirky old man we had all become used to under Pierce Brosnan's campy reign replaced by a young yet quietly confident genius. Apparently it was Craig who insisted on Q's return, and I think it was a wise decision. Q is a cornerstone of the Bondverse, and it fitted, once again, with the theme of ressurection. He was not the only character to be rought back - Miss Moneypenny makes a welcome return, as does the ever pristine Aston Martin DB5 (with original licence plate).

Overall, this film was a triumph, from the cast to the plot there was something to entertain both newcomers and die-hard Bond fans.

Watch again: as part of a Bond marathon
Favourite cast member: Javier Bardem, whose performance was hugely unsettling
Favourite moment: Silva trying (and failing) to make Bond blush... or possibly Silva's speech to M
Least favourite moment: the Sévérine shower scene
Bechdel test: sadly not passed, despite some very strong female characters, but I guess the film is all about Bond

0 Film Friday #3

Hello, this is a late post, but I did only get up at half twelve today so technically this is about right. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Three TV shows everyone likes but I don't

1) The Sopranos

I know, I really do, but I've tried and it just isn't happening. I want to like The Sopranos so much, I love anything involving organised crime (apart from, you know, actual organised crime) but I struggle - if someone was willing to hunker down with me, a box set, and some terrible food for a few days, I could definitely get it done.

2) Mighty Boosh

When I was still a teenager, this was the funniest show I'd ever seen; I ended up gong to the Mighty Boosh festival, and Mike Fielding DJ'd at my university. A couple of years later I thought, hey! I'll watch that show, I loved it so much - and it just wasn't funny any more. I was astounded at how profoundly stupid it all was, and the magic was just over. People still buy me the merchandise for presents, so hopefully they'll read this and stop because I've got two copies of the book now.

3) Next Top Model

This is supposed to be the paragon of entertainment for girls my age, but for me it's just another show about things I didn't really need to know about in the first place. I like models, I think they're essential to the fashion industry, but any episode I've ever watched has left me feeling twice as inadequate as I did the hour before. The blatant over-hype of looks and skinny flatness is not what bothers me, though; its the fact that, like all of these shows, the people that win them are not going to be the next top anything. You can't win a position like that, attention isn't going to automatically swing in your favour because you won a show - in fact, its probably a disadvantage more than anything. Sure, you'll be handed connections and money, but no-one will ever really think you worked to earn it, even if you did.

0 Film Friday #2

Four films that are so bad I've never watched them all the way through

1) Chances Are (1989) Robert Downey Jr, Cybill Shepherd

Louie Jeffries, a happily married man, is killed while crossing the road on his first anniversary. He is reincarnated as Alex Finch (Downey) and twenty years later an encounter with Louie's daughter starts bringing back memories; he decides to pursue his now-widowed wife (Shepherd), and hilarity ensues.

Well, I imagine it was all supposed to be a joke, I really hope they weren't trying to be serious. It's not the overall premise I disagree with, in fact I consider it in the same vein Ricky Gervais' Ghost Town, but the ending - oh, the ending. I'm telling you what happens, it probably won't spoil the film for you. Louie's daughter is attracted to Finch, which is how he ends up going home with her, meeting her mother, and remembering his past life. Ultimately, he's 'cured' of his memories and hooks up with the daughter - despite everyone knowing he used to be Louie. They all remember him proving who he was, they know deep down that he's the girl's father, but they end up together anyway. I was so incredulous I've never been able to watch the movie without an impending sense of dread, usually resolving in me giving up and watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang instead.

2) High Plains Invaders (2009) James Marsters

In 1892, a man is about to be hanged for his crimes, but first - he must save the town from giant alien bugs.

If I could reach through the screen and slap some sense into my favourite Buffy actor, I would. The whole plot can be summed up in one sentence. This review is already longer than the plot. Its easy to draw parallels with Starship Troopers, but you could get Neil Patrick Harris to guest star as the space bugs' tapdancing, jazz-handed leader wearing nothing but hotpants and a bowtie and I still wouldn't watch it.


3) Lady In The Water (2006) Paul Giamatti

A superintendent finds a mermaid-like creature trapped in the pool of his hotel.

One can only assume M. Night Shyamalan had a nervous break while making this film; I wouldn't be able to explain the plot of this film to you if Bill Murray signing up for Ghostbusters 3 depended on it. The worst part, though, is the character of Vick Ran (played by Shyamalan himself), a writer so inspirational and brilliant the whole fate of the government rests with him. His foil is the despised, idiotic film critic, who meets a violent and unecessary end.

He's basically nailed his personal emotions to a baseball bat and beat you over the head with it. Surprisingly the film was panned by almost all film critics, and Shyamalan has never really bounced back from it.


4) Battle of Los Angeles (2011) Nia Peeples, Kel Mitchell

I know what you're thinking; Battle: Los Angeles was a good film, how could you not watch all of it? No, no - Battle of Los Angeles, a film so bad there is a game running on iMDB to see how long you can manage watching it before switching off in disgust.

I couldn't even find a screencap for this, no-one wants to do it.

0 Film Friday: the first post

This is something I've wanted to do for a while - a regular post on films I enjoy - but then I thought, that's going to get tedious, and I don't even list films like that in my head. So, I started writing down the categories I do keep and... here we are.
The first list, in no particular order.
I hope you like it.

Three films I love (even though they make me so miserable I want to cry)

1) Knowing (2009) Nicholas Cage, Chandler Canterbury and Rose Byrne

 After attending the opening of a time capsule at his son's school, astrophysicist John Koestler (Cage) begins to spot patterns in a seemingly random series of numbers scrawled on a letter from the capsule his son brings home. He realises they indicate events, some of which have already happened - and some which haven't.

I love Nicholas Cage, and sci-fi, and anything involving a race to stop predicted events. This is a terribly clever film, and there are brilliant performances from every character, particularly Chandler Canterbury who plays Cage's son. However, the apocalyptic bent of the film makes it nearly impossible for me to watch it without being consumed by a black hole, the knowledge of my own mortality. About halfway through the film there is a horrific plane crash filmed in one continous shot, burning bodies writhing and screaming, and I watch it every damn time even though I know I'll spend the rest of the night weeping into my Nutella.

2) Big Fish (2003) Ewan McGregor, and everyone else Tim Burton likes

Essentially, this film is a son's quest to understand his dying father, told in Burton's whimsical, roundabout, but ultimately poignant way.

Again, Ewan McGregor is another actor whose career I admire, and he is surrounded in this film by a strong and varied cast. The reason it makes me so sad, though, is that Albert Finney's performance as the eccentric father is so very similar to my deceased grandfather, it makes me well up almost as soon as I see him onscreen. Ever since I first saw this film I've had dreams where my grandfather has made guest appearances, leading me on ridiculous quests and strange lands. It's lovely, but still quite emotional. Curse you, Burton.

3) Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999) Forrest Whittaker

An assassin who models himself on the samurai way of life finds himself the target of mob hits.

You wouldn't think this was my sort of movie, but it is; the moments of precise violence are perfectly balanced with the calm and focus he tries to find in the rest of his life. It's so very moving with toching little interludes with the few friends he has. Every time I watch it I reconsider my entire outlook on life, only to return to staying in my pyjamas all day and watching Red Dwarf.

2 Pulling a rabbit out of a hat, and your foot out of your mouth

Here's something you probably don't know about me - unless you know me in person or are Stuart, then you'll definitely know - I love magic. My dad regularly appears out of nowhere asking me (or, on one occasion, everyone at my 21st birthday party) to pick a card; I am not, however, that good at performing tricks. I don't have the patience, and once I know how its done I lose interest. Essentially, I lie in the Jonathan Creek, 'ah yes very clever', knowledge of Houdini beyond the water tank category. Sort of a magic historian, I guess.  My favourite magicians, excluding individual performers and assistants, are Penn & Teller.

They were always the stuff of legends to me growing up, with my dad recording clips of the television to make me gasp with tiny wide-eyed awe. I spent years reading about their Las Vegas show, wanting desperately for them to perform here and feeling a retrospective cosmic annoyance that I was born just after their last UK performance. Then, a couple of years ago, they began announcing UK shows. I managed to get tickets five rows from the stage, and lured my dad down to London with minimal details of what I had planned; it was everything I wanted it to be, and quite a few things I didn't even expect. Teller is a master of sleight-of-hand, and I was practically convulsing with excitement when he performed the trick I had dreamed of seeing live:

I love it. I know how its done, I think I know how its done, but I still love it, because I don't know for sure. Sadly, in a world of unlimited digital social interaction and constant live updates, there are some things I know for definite that I wouldn't have known, had I not seen it on the internet; I'd still find Alan Davies funny, I could successfully avoid Justin Bieber fans, and I wouldn't know that Penn can be an absolute tool.

The old 'don't meet your heroes' thing rears its ugly head in the form of a highly unpleasant Facebook comment, in which he uses my favourite contentious word:

See, I wouldn't have a problem if he was insulting everyone. He's always been very vocal about his opinions, but this is just oddly uncalled for; if he went after every T4 presenter too I'd feel a bit better knowing he hated all forced comedy equally, but because the internet is so vast situations like this look very specific.

This has sparked a great debate about misogyny, gender based insults, and how he clearly went after her because she's a woman. I'm going to be unpopular, disagree, and wave my double-edged sword at you.

I regularly see the term 'don't be a dick' bandied around, and the people that oppose 'cunt' never seem to challenge it. I don't think the answer here is to avoid gender-based insults, otherwise that would leave us with about two swear words, but rather we should make the distinction between people who do consider everyone of that gender to be evil, and people who are just swearing. There is nothing you can yell at someone in anger that doesn't involve gender and isn't from a Shakespearian play.

Yes, he was completely unjustified in making such a personal and unwarranted attack on the woman's own work, but that doesn't make him a mysogynist. I'm sure if he was, his wife would have left him by now, his wouldn't make regular tributes to his mother, and he never would have invented the Jill-Jet (but Debbie Harry did help).

The sum of the whole is ultimately greater than its parts, and if the media has taught us anything its that even criminal misdemeanors can be overlooked with time. Just look at Chris Brown (but make sure you duck).

I found another article, written by a friend of Penn's denouncing the idea that atheism and nerddom is a boy's club. Strangely, this was taken to be an entirely anti-feminist post on how women should just accept men for the tossers they are and women should be like men, and a million other things she didn't actually say. Mallorie says that she's never had a problem with the geekier men in her life, that they treat her like they treat everyone else and do not offer her the dainty sensibilities women are usually treated to. She gets along with men! The horror!

She does not, as this post claims, call all women who complain about inequality " humorless,  overemotional, and anti-sex". It isn't even aimed at other women, but at men who feel attacked for not behaving the right way. There are men in the geek community who are absolute tools, I've met them, but there are also women who characterise geeks as being good looking gentlemen in retro glasses and then complain at large when it turns out that plenty of geeks aren't. If I had a share in Fox for every time I've had to listen to various women talk about how much they hate Halo and are going to sell their boyfriend's Xbox and throw out all his Star Wars shirts, we'd be on series ten of Firefly right now. From my own experience, I know it looks like a boy's club, but it isn't; we may be socialised to think it is, look at any gaming advert, but that isn't real life. When my flatmate had some friends around to play Halo, I stopped by to say hello, and this is almost exactly what happened:

Me: Are you playing Halo?
Flatmate: Yes. Do you play?
Me: Yes.
Flatmate: Okay, cool.

And then I made myself a cup of tea and got on with my life.

The reason I think these two seperate events tie in so well is because in both cases people are generalising their expectations, then getting defensive when everyone doesn't agree. Penn is a dick sometimes, but he doesn't, as far as I know, hate women. Until he does something explicitly aimed at demoralising women, I'm not with you. Similarly not all geek men are Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds, and most rational people can comprehend that. This doesn't mean they should be attacked for sharing a positive social experience. In a way I suppose its another form of my rule about canon; if you like games, its fine, just don't expect a big giant fuss about it like a girl holding a controller is something special.It isn't, its life, it happens, get on with it and be happy.

0 New Release: Before Watchmen

It's official, DC have announced solid plans for a Watchmen prequel; they've even debuted a few covers.

I've never had a problem with sequels, prequels, flashforwards, I'm even partial to the odd alternate timeline, but already people are jumping to guess what Alan Moore is going to say. Well, I hate to disappoint you, but he has already said that he would actually have approved of some prequels if they'd bothered to ask him years ago. He also said that he doesn't even own a copy of the comic any more. He's a genius, we wouldn't even have half of the comics we do if today's writers hadn't grown up reading him, but when someone draws a line under their own work I think you should stop asking their opinion. Moore is not the first person to disown their own project, and if they make one more Indiana Jones I doubt he'll be the last.

They've already hinted at a bevvy of talented artists, each working on their own character. The Dr Manhattan series (above) is beng drawn entirely by one of my all-time favourite artists, Adam Hughes (you can read his blog about it here); I really can't wait to see his work, if only because I think his use of colour will lend really well to a glowing blue man. He did some of the cover and interior art for Ghost too, which is probably one of the only things I actually like about Ghost... Never tell anyone I just said I like Ghost.

Darwyn Cooke is also on the cards for a Minutemen prequel - again, it's perfectly paired to his curvy, retro illustrations, and I look forward to seeing how he chooses to draw the characters.

You can see the rest of the confirmed artists over on the ComicBookResources site.

0 The new DC logo

This completely passed me by, until Chainbear artist Stuart asked me about it. I love logos, and the various comic logos are always interesting; however, in a world of advanced technology, things are beginning to get a bit too complicated. Here is the original DC logo, next to the most modern one:

Original 1940 logo

2005 logo

The original logo was designed for efficiency more than style - it could easily be stamped onto anything, yet lacked a definitive identity. It tells you all the information, but it shouldn't have to. The best logos are usually symbols, quickly recognisable and identifiable as a specific brand. The 2005 DC 'Spin' logo (designed by the great Josh Beatman of Brainchild Studios) is taking advantage of better printing processes and the strength of the brand. It maintains a single colour, and despite being more complicated than the original it is quicker to identify as a DC Comics logo. The new logo, however...

There is so much wrong with this it hurts my brain to consider it. I'm the first to admit I'm a snob when it comes to logo design, but this... what were they thinking? It isn't even clear that it says DC until you read the text underneath which entirely defeats the point of even having a logo. At least the 2005 logo with its little star and whooshing lines hinted at comic books. This isn't a logo any more, its too complicated. My favourite logo of all the DC logos, has to be the 1976 'bullet' by Milton Glazer - colour, logo, style:

I don't know who is responsible for the travesty of a new logo, but they need to get back in touch with comic illustration; people tend to forget that most comic book titles are also logos, and its a task that usually goes to letterers. You do not need the publisher's logo to illustrate which comic it is attached to. Oh, wait:

These are the recently revealed final designs for some of the logos. The word 'some' worries me, almost as much as the fact that they still consider these to be logos. It's the sort of thing that seems like such a great idea at the time - hey, remember WordArt? How awesome did it make your business presentation look? Didn't your boss love your creativity? Why are you carrying all your stuff in that box?

The logo for the publisher should represent the publisher, not the title, and a logo should be a logo, not a fancy drawing with gradients.

1 The Blue Hand Rule

You know those stupid laws you come up with when you're with friends, and something someone says just becomes legend? Well, I have one of those with my dad, and it's called the Blue Hand Rule. Here's some back-story; we watch a lot of films together, its something we bond over and usually we agree on the quality of a film. Sometimes one of us will choose a film so bad, the other has to watch it just so they can complain about it legitimately. One of these films was I Am Number Four.

My dad chose this one because we both love sci-fi and he loves checking out anything that might be a bit cheesy. The second we saw the Dreamworks logo I knew we were in for a treat.

Personally, I didn't find the film too bad; it was your standard boy meets girl, girl has douchey boyfriend, boy is alien hunted by other aliens, boy saves girl and world film. He had glowing blue hands, which is not the worst superpower I've ever seen, but doesn't exactly rank high. My problem didn't lie with the mechanics of his powers though, but with a rather simple bit of the film that riled me so much we had to pause the film and talk it out.

Towards the end the alien boy (James Pettyfer - not really an alien) is being chased by other aliens who want him dead. He's in love with a girl (Dianna Agron) who loves photography, so he presents her with a reel of film he's filled with photos for and of her. Meanwhile, the douchey boyfriend (Jake Abel and his beautiful eyes) has been kidnapped by the evil aliens and is willingly helping them find their prey, along with his girlfriend.

Now, I don't remember his exact words, but there was definitely an  indication given that since the alien and girl were at the high school, they were close - something like fifteen minutes away. The film then switches back to the runaway duo who are in the high school film lab, hanging up processed pictures from his roll of film.

Hold up.

It takes at least ten minutes just to wash and develop film, then you have to leave it to dry for a good fifteen minutes or so. Then you have to develop the actual photos, which even an expert couldn't do in less than ten minutes. For a full roll of film and multiple photos we're looking at around an hour of development time.

This is where I had to intervene; I can accept that the main character is an alien from another planet with glowing blue hands, but I refuse to accept they developed the photo film so quickly - it breaks canon, and also the laws of time.

Thus, the Blue Hands Rule was born - when one can accept the full situation of the film, but refuses to accept a seemingly innocent yet impossible moment (even if the whole film is ridiculous). I'd love to hear about your Blue Hand Rule moments if you have any, you'll only be backing me up for future arguments.

0 Windows 8: how I plan to get my life back

There's a few things I need to get off my chest; its hard to talk about, and I'm sure you'll all give me with the help and support I need. Here it goes.

Hello, my name's Rebecca, and I'm addicted to Apple.

I know, I know, its shameful. I use iTunes, I lust after the iMac, and thanks to my iPhone I can't remember the last time I made eye contact (or, as I like to call it, iContact) during a social outing.

It is important to point out that this isn't my fault; my dad bought my mum an iPhone for Christmas in 2010. They went out to register it, and my own phone mysteriously stopped working. They came back and handed me the iPhone with the words, "This is yours now". I had no choice! My phone number was transferred without my permission, and I got no say in whether or not I actually wanted it. For the record - I didn't. I didn't like the limitations imposed on iTunes users, the incompatibility with the Windows OS I had been raised on, and the sheer pretentiousness of every person who owned an iPhone.

Suddenly, I was one of them. I went from begrudgingly using this phone as a temporary measure, to the type of idiot who says 'there's an app for that' with no irony. I was hooked, I am hooked, and it's damaging. I can't hold a conversation without simultaneously checking all my social network feeds. I have over 100 apps on my phone, and probably use about ten of them.

This only really struck me as a problem when I considered getting an iPad. My mum has one but rarely uses it, and she's threatened to let me have it a couple of times; so I started thinking - what do I actually want it for? Ideally, I'd like to type stuff up on it, but also use it as a digital portfolio of my work. I want to be able to use Wikipedia, the internet, and maybe listen to music. I considered these points in line with the iPad, and found myself looking at £800 of stuff I didn't really need. I don't want to play games or have loads of pointless little distracting apps. You can't really type on the either. Touch-screen keyboards are a thing of evil, and my chubby little fingers can't deal with them. I don't have an apple computer either, so I wouldn't be able to use the same file formats.

After weeks of research I think I've settled on the Eee Transformer Prime, which despite sounding like its going to save the world from the Decepticons is actually a very clever piece of tech indeed. It's a touch-screen tab, but it comes with Android or Windows 7 a an OS. Oh, it also does this other thing, where it docks into an external keyboard. I could have both! A tablet I can show all my work on, and a fancy little notebook for typing. Wow.

However I also noticed a couple of articles about Windows 8, almost all of which were quick to point out the improvements for the tablet OS. Windows 7 looks and acts almost exactly the same on a tablet as it does on a computer which is a problem if you're working on a 12 inch screen. It doesn't match the fluidity of the iPad's OS, which I think is why people always go for them. You don't want the same system as a desktop, or you might as well just buy a net-book instead. Windows 8 will base its tab OS off Metro, the system currently used for Windows phones. It looks smooth, clever, pretty, and above all, its very much Windows.

I've always used Windows, and I miss it. I like being able to switch out my video card for a better one without having to buy a whole new machine or send it back to the retailer for a few weeks. I'm enticed by the possibility of my tab or even my phone being created by people who embrace home upgrades. Ultimately, I plan to phase out both iTunes and my iPhone, and replace them with Windows products.

My only challenge now, is holding out until the Windows 8 tabs are released; they're slated for Q3 of this year, some time around June, but I think it'll be more likely they release in Q4 with just enough run up time to Christmas.